We did an IUI procedure this morning. No one told us that we had to abstain for 24-36 hours before, so D's semen volume was about half of what it should have been ("the other half wasn't wasted," the doctor said.) but the percentage of motile sperm was extraordinary (a fact that D is very proud of), so the doctor said that this made up for the lack of volume. We had to wait 45 minutes while they "washed" the sperm, so because I hadn't done that level of planning, D had to run off to work. I went to get a yogurt from Starbucks as a prophylactic against the impending yeast infection likely to follow the super-dose of doxycycline that I had to take the day before, the day of, and the day after the insemination.
The procedure itself was as uneventful and painless as all of the online information I read described it to be. The doctor used "the inseminator," (package pictured above) which was a syringe with a flexible catheter attached. She used a speculum, and then urged the catheter up through the cervix, which she said was "hiding." (They say that about my left ovary sometimes, too. Weird.) She told me as she was inserted the washed and concentrated sperm, and then she turned out the lights and told me to take a little nap for about 20 minutes. But my mind was racing and I started worrying about whether the seepage was D's sperm saying "oh, no you didn't!" and rushing back out because they didn't like the egg for some reason. I wanted to jump up from the table and ask someone, but I stayed still--if not calm. Then I started worrying about whether they'd forget me in there, and the fact that I had to get to a meeting by noon (it was already at least 1030 am). I spun the computer screen that was in reach towards me and it appeared to be 10:50, so I figured I would give them ten minutes to come and get me before I got up and got dressed. No one came to get me, so I just got myself ready and on my way out, I asked about the seepage and was assured that it was completely normal. (I didn't believe it, though, so googled it as soon as I could. It's fine.)
So, I don't want to jinx anything, but I have to say, if we're not successful this month, I have a list of things to remember from next:
1. Have sex 36 hours before the IUI so that the sperm is fresh, but abundant.
2. Build in enough time for the partner to be there.
3. Take your iPhone to the table so you can time how long you've been laying there, and have something to distract you with (maybe even update Facebook while laying on the table).
4. Take the day of the IUI off so you don't have to rush back to work.
5. If you do rush back to work, make sure you don't jump on the train going the wrong way, start reading, and not realize that you're in Queens until you're like, halfway into Queens half an hour before your meeting starts.