The long wait

As I see it, there are four phases of trying to get pregnant with medical assistance each month: the run-up where you prep yourself with both chemicals and inner-morale boosting; the days of trying which sometimes feel fraught with performance anxiety all around; what is currently called the TWW or two week wait where you wonder: "maybe I am; maybe I'm not?"; and the week after finding out that you're not. This latter phase is the worst for me: feeling like my body isn't doing anything at all productive, I feel bereft on these days. Right now, I'm in the TWW period, the slowest time of all, right smack dab in the middle. It's gloomy in New York and I feel sluggish and tired. Spring is on the verge of being here, so it's a bit humid and warm, but also chilly at the same time. The streets are full of debris from the last snowstorm. We need a good, cleansing rain. And some flowers.